I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
