why didn't you poke me back
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dicks are not precious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
