i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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