i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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