just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize