Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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