Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
