I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
