He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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