the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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