the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
