i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
