And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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