Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
