Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
