Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
