Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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