Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
