I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
