she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
