I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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