Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
