I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He kissed a someone with a penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
