Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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