Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
