wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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