I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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