I got chris browned last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
