I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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