I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
