It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
