i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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