i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
