it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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