What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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