His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
