my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
