I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
