If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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