mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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