It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
