I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone signed my nipple.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize