So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
