I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
