My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well you can't waste a boner
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
