ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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