Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
