she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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