We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
