haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
