there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
