Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He felt like a one man threesome
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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