i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
