We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
