this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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