i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize