My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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