i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
