just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
