oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
