Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As shirtless as possible
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
