so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
