That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
