and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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