I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
