mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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