My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
