i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
