the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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