I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
tell me about the fingering
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