Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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