The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
