SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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