Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
