she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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