i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
