dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's just like the Real World with babies
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
