Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize