There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
