Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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