Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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